My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize