Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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