God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
