Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
