my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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