im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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