in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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