Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sorry about my life...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
