you guys were way drunker than both of me
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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