like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
