If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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