The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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