My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My penis needs a shock collar
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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