I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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