If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
