Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
