I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
