I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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