I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
