So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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