pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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