just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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