i just wanna soil my oats bro
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
