I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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