I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
