that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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