I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
