too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
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You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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