I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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