It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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