she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
