At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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