i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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