Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
