If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
