You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
