Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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