i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
