dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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