I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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