Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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