Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
how drunk are you?
Several
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
