can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?