Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.