toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.