Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though