i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize