well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize