you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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