We're like a lot better than the average bears
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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