she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
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Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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