I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
