Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
