Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
