You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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